THE GOBWOOD

Goblin, Fantasy, and RPG Blog

Not every campaign is suitable for goblins, and not every DM wants you to play a goblin. Around here we consider those games unsuitable for play… but nobody wants to let their friends down so I needed a character that wasn’t a goblin but I could enjoy just as much as a goblin. May I introduce to you: Anghus PookmarBadh, the goblin lover hunter!

Character

Anghus is a jolly dwarf bearing crude armor and weapons. He keeps a short black beard and long greasy hair in a braid tucked into his mail. His jolly demeanor and orthodox love of beer conceal a dark taboo; he is utterly obsessed with GOBLINS! This wackadoo dwarf is a massive history buff and asserts that the generational conflicts with goblinoids, orcs, and giants are the foundation for dwarven perseverance, ingenuity, and supremacy. If it weren’t for those green boogers and their savagery the dwarves might be as soft as elves!

 

His equipment is of dubious make; reforged for durability but retaining its bent and jagged style indicative of its status as battle trophies. He keeps a goblin “dogslicer” on his belt as a backup weapon insisting that one should learn to fight like their enemy. He cares little for the things of nature despite being trained as a tracker and a hunter- his passion lies purely in the pursuit and conquest of goblinoid quarry and he makes every effort to master his art.

 

While he began as a hobbyist, simply studying the history of the goblin wars and occasionally taking the odd goblin-slaying job as an amateur adventurer, he quickly began to see a pattern in the lore; wherever dwarves were in conflict with goblins both races thrived. The dwarves were forced to build bigger and stronger fortresses, engineer better armaments and strategies, require fitness and training even for civilians, and make alliances they would otherwise have been too proud for. The goblins, as well, were forced to unite and federate in order to threaten the dwarves, they had to labor consistently to arm and support their warriors, and they even managed aggressive eugenic reproduction strategies to supply numbers for the hordes; when otherwise they would squabble amongst themselves, subsist meagerly off of minimum effort, and populate only in casual indulgence. These races, in Anghus’s eyes, are symbiotically dependent upon each other to achieve their greatest potential but most dwarves would love to see the goblins utterly eradicated.

 

In Anghus’ time the genocide of goblinoids is largely complete in dwarven kingdoms… and the kingdoms are weak. Lust for treasure and succession dominate the aristocracy that festers atop the old oligarchy but there is a solution-  goblin conservation! If goblins could be cultivated and dwarvenkind honed against them, just as in the old days, they could be great again and never fall. But Anghus’s “mad” rants fell upon disgusted ears until his vision reached the last living son of the greatest goblin slayer in history; heir to a great fortune and vast open land. Together, he and Anghus established The Reserve; a region where goblinkind could thrive and populate. The reserve is fully walled and punctuated with watch-towers ready to light beacons if the goblins attack but for now its goal is distant. The reserve must be stocked with strong goblin blood for dwarvenkind to benefit so a façade conceals the reserve’s true purpose. It is known, for now, as a hunting lodge where elite sportsmen and un-blooded dwarven nobles pay top platinum to participate in “The Culling.”

 

Every year the goblins muster their best and make a go at the walls but the dwarves are ready- the hunters participating are armed to the teeth, instructed in goblin-slaying by veterans of the goblin wars, and lead by the next generation of goblin-slayers; chief among whom is Anghus. The weakest are slain, the strongest captured and re-released if possible, and in the off-season anghus and his peers travel to far off lands seeking new goblin tribes from which to capture strong specimens for stocking the reserve. While it will be many years, perhaps decades until the reserve is ready… someday the goblins will be able to break free and threaten the dwarven nation once again. That day will mark the beginning of a new age in dwarven greatness; for they will have no choice but to be great or be annihiliated.

 

 

He is from the nation of Amar so lets “Make Amar Great Again!”

Build

Feats, Choices, and Features

1-      Cleave, Track, Favored Enemy, Savage Empathy, Trapfinding

2-      Combat Style: Goblin Cleaver

3-      Flanking Foil, Endurance, Favored Terrain

4-      Hunter’s Bond (sharing favored bonus)

5-      Great Cleave, Favored Enemy 2, Snare Trap + Alarm Trap

6-      Combat Style 2: Orc Hewer

7-      Furious Focus, (Dodge)/Mobility, Smoke Trap

8-      Swift Tracker, Favored Terrain 2

9-      Surprise Follow-through, Evasion, Toxic Fumes (smoke) Trap

10-   Favored Enemy 3, Combat Style 3: Giant Killer, Launch Trap

11-   Improved Surprise Follow-through, Quarry, Firework (smoke) Trap

12-   Uncanny Dodge

13-   Feat, Favored Terrain 3, Trap

14-   Combat Style 4

15-   Feat, Favored Enemy 4, Trap

16-   Improved Evasion

17-   Improved Uncanny Dodge

 

20-   Master Hunter

Exposition

Combos and Strats

Roleplay

Anghus will sleep in his armor thanks to the endurance feat and because he needs to be prepared for a goblin ambush but… he does have a set of “Make Amar Great Again” footie-jamas and a high quality shortstack goblin waifu daikamura silk body pillow in his bedroll; he keeps them packed in a compression sack and only takes them out for sleeping at the inn (never in the field). For this reason he always buys his own room if he’s not going to sleep in his armor. Slip your DM a note about this and leave it up to him to incentivize exposing you for a solid round of laughs at the table.

 

You gotta do most of the typical dwarf things but you also need to demonstrate a worthiness to be ostracized; you ARE a dwarf and you believe it in your heart but others should have reason to disagree. A love of food, drink, and smoking are a great start but interest in fine metalwork, stone, and gems should be lacking. You should be considerably less stubborn, perhaps nearly irreverent of tradition, and, though you know well the history, care little for family names, status (such as being noble-born or blooded), and heritage. (Being blooded, fyi, refers to having participate in the killing of a monster or racial foe).

 

Following your motivations will be tough in most campaigns. If the setting has adventurers guilds and job boards that is a great place to look for side-quests that have a chance to expose you to goblins- obviously if the quests says goblin you should be adamant that the party MUST go do that quest but if no such things are available just look for the best shot in the dark. Where there is magic there might be goblins- they are common subjects of experiments for wizards and the like. Warlords and Bandit groups often attract goblins or force them to fight so that’s a decent shot. Caves and Ruins are great places for gobs to take over and build a home in. Distant settlements are ripe targets for goblin raids. There are many ways to rationalize odds of encountering gobbos and on top of all that; it’s the off-season for the reserve so money is tight. The reserve isn’t exactly for-profit anyway so if you just need to go make some gold, its what you gotta do.

 

Ultimately you’ll need to explain Anghus’ motivations to your DM and request that goblins, even just a single one, be included in every major arc of the campaign. Whether they’re a minion of the main baddie, an unrelated side-quest en route, or a random encounter… its not like they’re difficult to throw in or balance. What IS difficult, however, is getting them back to the reserve. 1st we need to subdue them; keep a net or 3 on hand for this purpose then bind and gag. You now have two options- the hard way is to drag them along until you can go back to town. You should always keep enough gold on hand to either pay for some competent npc’s to transport the goblin to the reserve for you (you may only need to pay a little and send a letter authorizing the reserve to pay the rest upon delivery) or to pay for competent care and containment of the specimen until a team from the reserve can come collect it. Sending word to the reserve is another tough one so maybe try to keep a Bird Feather Token (carries messages unerringly, 150gp) handy so you don’t have to rely on some commoner’s ability to traverse hundreds of miles. Alternatively, if the DM is accommodating enough perhaps the reserve can furnish you with an even more specialized magical item that will just teleport the gobbo straight there. While that may be a chessy and unsatisfying way to handle it, it can really help keep the narrative going and it doesn’t have to be available for every opportunity. Maybe you have several bird tokens, but only one gob-a-porter ever.

 

 

You are not a bard, but you do keep several journals which are more like guide-books that you’re writing. Goblin Biology, Goblin Religion, Goblin Sociology, and your most ambitious project- Goblin Dragonology. You’re sure that goblin dragons exist somewhere… it’s like a rule of the material plane; if it exists there are dragons of it.